I don't believe in god, I disagree with the way it works
The good die young, the bad live forever
My attitude, my morals belong to me, only me
Its not about quantity, its quality
All of the gossip, its always the topic – bitch you're too old for that shit
Wat do you like more – me or me at face value?
People playing the sides, breaking the rules
Living it moody for it only gets messy
You knew me better, I thought you cared for that
Never feeling less perfect, fighting hard to not be so restless
People say "she's so vain", "got more than she should"
Feeling safe to live my identity, not to wonder what I should be
Painting the life, settling my mind
For you to be happy this is my mission
I won't stop til im there
I do things my way, I tear it up for the day, everyday
Theres always something ready to ruin us, its all about what we let it do to us!!
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Cade has hit the nose right on the button. (...can that happen?
)
-Don't bold a poem. It's pointless and annoying to the reader.
-Don't hit enter between every line. Right now, you have 17 one line stanzas...why?
-Don't caps your title. As attention getting as it is it will just cause people to be annoyed with you and be less likely to critique your poem anyway. Besides, it makes us have to change it.
-Make sure to rate your poems.
-"wat" is not a proper English word, use proper grammar and stay away from netspeak.
-Add poetic elements (similies, metaphors, etc.)
-Use punctuation beyond the comma.
-Use less complete sentence structure.
Really what it all boils down to is indeed to read more poetry, pick out the elements that make it good, decide why it was published and how it makes you feel, how the words affect you and other readers, and what makes it a poem. Practice these!
Good luck!
Wow...did you realize when you were writing this that each line is its very own cliche?
Honestly, this is not the way to construct a poem. Not only does it lack originality, it jumps from subject to subject, repeating one tired phrase after another. Doesn't this poem have a subject? A plot, perhaps? Some punctuation at the very least?
For future reference, because I don't believe this poem is going anywhere:
1. Read lots of good poetry.
2. Say what you mean, not what you've heard. What do you truly think? What unique images can you describe in your own words?
3. Don't bold the poem. What's the point if it's all in bold?
4. Use proper grammar, punctuation, etc. We're not going to take your poem seriously until you can show us you do too.
-Colleen
I changed the rating to PG-13 because of the language and I changed your title so it wasn't all caps.